Canine conspiracy?

There's something strange about dogs in Germany. They don't bark, they don't bite, they don't chase cars or joggers or mailmen down the street. Just like their German owners, they hardly acknowledge strangers at all. There's a dog that lives next door to us, a big gray shaggy dog. If I hadn't seen him I'd never know he was there - I think I have heard him bark twice.

It's also pretty common to see dogs walking around off-leash. This is not a problem because I believe that your average German dog could walk past a crowd of squirrels, a pile of meat, and a group of kids throwing a tennis ball without even looking up.

Roaming free

Dog owners in Germany are supposed to register their hunds and pay a dog tax. The tax covers... well I am not sure what it covers. I guess the possibility that you will not clean up your dog's poop and the city will have to pay someone else to do so. In Hannover, the tax is 132 euros per year.

There's also a test for owners. A law took effect a year ago in our state of Niedersachsen, requiring dog owners to get a license - called a Hundführerschein, which translates as dog drivers' license.  In order to legally drive their dogs, owners must pass a written test demonstrating their knowlege about dogs' needs and owners' responsibilities. Then there is a 'practical exam' where you take the dog for a spin and show the state examiner that your pooch is well trained. I assume that if it barks at the mailman, you fail. The test costs around 100 euros, which is a lot cheaper than the roughly 2000 euros you have to pay to get a drivers' license for a car. I guess the lesson is that it's cheaper to drive your dog.

Taking the dogs for a drive

And you need insurance for your dog too. Dog liability insurance has you covered in case your dog attacks someone or causes property damage. Of course, all this assumes that you have registered your dog with the proper authorities and put a tracking microchip in its ear.  But if you are German, you're probably have because you follow the rules anyway.

Planning a canine takeover?

I know that cats usually take credit for being the crafty, cunning pets. But I can't help but think that German dogs are just too docile. They must be plotting some kind of conspiracy behind those obedient stares. (you've seen 101 Dalmatians - you know it's possible). Maybe they're going to overthrow Angela Merkel and the Bundestag to take over Germany. Maybe they going to go crazy and chase people all over the streets of Hannover, howling and barking and biting along the way. Maybe they've been gathering a stockpile of bones and tennis balls and are just waiting for the right off-leash moment to dig in. The license and insurance and tax just make the humans feel like they have control. They'd better be careful driving those dogs around.