As American as

July 4th is approaching. That has me thinking of flags, parades, the freedom to shoot your hand off with fireworks, and barbecues. What is an expat to do when looking for groceries from back home?

You can find some American foods in Germany, particularly the ones at Burger King, McDonald's, Pizza Hut and KFC. Apple pie does not exist (no pie pans either) but there are a lot of products at the grocery store with stars and stripes right on the package. Now that I finally have a smartphone, I get to take photos of all this mundane stuff so you can see it with me! I snapped pictures up and down the aisles at the supermarket last week. Because this is Germany, none of the other customers commented. The guy stocking shelves didn't make eye contact or ask what I was doing. Here, the only people who strike up conversations with strangers are crazy people. I was the one laughing while taking photos of groceries. Clearly if anyone was going to start a conversation it should have been me.

Here are some of the American items for sale:

American salad dressing. We call it thousand island.
In Germany, they still call French dressing French. I wonder what the French call it?

 Peanut butter.  I actually prefer the Dutch peanut butter which you buy at the Asian grocery store (of course).

 It's pretty exciting that I found Pop Tarts. It's pretty incredible that they cost 6 euros and 49 cents.

 Marshmallows. I never knew they were American, but I should have. Marshmallows+chocolate+graham crackers = s'mores, and s'mores = freedom.

 Another gourmet American treat: Campbell's tomato soup for 2.39.

 Chocolate chip cookies. These are not very good. As far as I'm concerned the only decent chocolate chip cookies in town are made in kitchens (like mine) of real American bakers (like me) using real American chocolate chips. Did I mention I bake a mean cookie?

 Cheez Whiz, the hallmark of American innovation.  It's yours for just 4.49.

Hot dogs in a jar. This grosses me out. I don't know why, but I think it's the water inside. Americans usually buy hot dogs in a plastic bag, which is filled with equally murky hot dog water. I used to love hot dogs, as most kids do. Then when I was in college I had to cook hundreds, possibly thousands of them, at a concession stand and my hair smelled like hot dogs for days, possibly weeks. I have not eaten a hot dog since. I don't care how patriotic it is.

 American pizza, with a thick crust.

And, from the freezer aisle, the pizza burger. Pizza, burger - why should you have to choose? I think this is a little like a sloppy joe but I am sure I have never seen one in the USA.

So Germans must believe that Americans live off hot dogs topped with Cheez Whiz, cookies with marshmallows and peanut butter, and pizza and burgers, or maybe both at the same time. No wonder they think we're all fat. Or maybe they just think we're all nuts. You'd have to be a little crazy to shoot your cheese out of a can, or walk around the grocery store taking pictures of food.