Sitters and standers

On our first trip to Germany in 2010, I noticed this sign in the bathroom at Sonja’s parents’ house:

At first I thought it was quirky, maybe a joke or maybe just the rules of the house. Either way, I was sitting down to pee so it didn’t affect me.

But shortly after moving to Germany, I saw that sign again, in another house. Then between me talking to Brian and him talking with friends and us asking around, the truth was revealed… German men sit down to pee.

It’s not that they never stand. In public places (so I am told) Germans stand proudly at urinals like anyone else. The sitting down rule only applies in someone’s home.

The official reason is that upright urination causes a mess, which does not happen in a seated position. I don’t know if this is because German men have poor coordination or because there are no Cheerios in this country with which to potty train little boys, but I have never noticed a big mess in a bathroom where standing is allowed. Brian’s theory is that when the big strong men went off to fight in World War 2 and died, the women took over and decided to implement this emasculating pee policy, so that men would no longer have a peeing advantage over women.

The sitting-standing issue causes some interesting cross-cultural dilemmas. Our American friend Andy and his German wife Anne have a son named Noah, who just turned 3. When he started going to Kinderschule (day care) last year, the teachers were shocked to see him stand up at the little toilet.  When they told him to sit down, he refused. “I pee like Papa,” he said. “I stand up.” This was not an acceptable answer to the ladies teaching the Kinderschule. They kept trying to get him to sit down and he kept refusing, until the next day he rebelled by not using the toilet at all but taking a poop in his pants. This incident prompted some very concerned calls home to Noah’s parents during which Andy beamed with pride that his son would not submit to these unjust rules of urination.

Is sitting down somehow less masculine? Did Hitler sit down to pee? What about Schwarzeneger? These questions could be debated for years. As someone who doesn't have an option of sitting or standing, I don't really care what men do. I just think the whole issue is kind of funny. Maybe there's a new market for Cheerios here.